


8 Farscape Minifics

by vinegardog



Category: Farscape
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 06:05:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14442972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinegardog/pseuds/vinegardog
Summary: 8 minifics including a couple of crossovers with Star Trek the Original Series and Guardians of the Galaxy.Prompts under each minific title





	8 Farscape Minifics

Written for SC104 hosted by me: The challenge offered 8 prompts suggested by readers. I decided to write a short fic for each prompt. The prompt in short is below each of the titles.

Warning: I went for funny, so please do not take offence if any of your favorite characters take a bashing. It may not read funny but it was written tongue in cheek.

Settings: various

Spoilers: None, I think

Ratings: from PG to PG-13

Word Count: Approximately 2600 in total for all 8 fics

Thanks to A Damned Scientist for the beta and the suggestions especially when it comes to one ending and the voice of Captain Kirk, which I made a hash of all by myself.

 

**The Misunderstanding (PG)**   
**(John teaches the crew an Earth game)**

“Pilot, dispatch the DRDs to tier 24 through to tier 34 to search for the intruder!”

“Yes, Ka D’Argo, I will do so immediately”

“No, Pilot, don’t.There’s no need...” John interjected but was ignored by all and sundry.

“D’Argo, you and Chiana take tiers 10 to 24.”

“On our way, Aeryn.”

“No, D, wait! Pip come back…” John again tried to stop his crewmates, who took no heed of him whatsoever.

“I will take the bottom tiers. Rygel, you are with me!”

“No, Aeryn, please listen to me, you don’t need to…”

“John, how exactly is this Zimon communicating his wishes to you? Never mind, that is not important at the moment. You stay on Command and monitor our progress. We will find the intruder: he will never say anything to you again once we have located and neutralized him.”

“No, guys, you don’t understand... there is no intruder! It’s just a game! There is no Simon… ”

 

**The Hound and the Afterlife (PG)**   
**(Zhaan fic)**

This was not what she had expected. This was not what her long training as Pa’u had prepared her for. How could her beliefs have been so utterly wrong?

There was no Goddess. There was no better place.There was only this: the most nightmarish of afterlives.

Zhaan looked around once more. She would have to accept that this was now her existence and that she should take it as fitting punishment for the sin of killing her lover on Delvia.

The large Brindz Hound entered the room, sniffed around, turned his head towards the blooming blue plant that stuck out of his favourite pot in the corner, ambled towards it and cocked his leg.

 

**The Fight (PG)**   
**(John/Aeryn and Cam/Vala crossover)**

“I heard from that annoiyng woman who looks uncannily like my wife that you lose your pants all the time.” John Crichton said with barely hidden scorn, smirking an infuriating smirk.

“Hey! Vala always exaggerates! I don’t lose my pants all the time. Just... some of the time.” Cameron Mitchell protested.

It was clear that friendship was not in the cards for them: for some reason that they could not explain, both felt the irresistible urge to punch the other man’s stupid-looking face to a pulp.

“Anyway, better to lose one’s pants than one’s mind…” Cameron Mitchell quipped, irked by the vexing astronaut, and squared off for a fight.

_______

“Uh, it sounds like a fistfight! Let’s go and cheer them on. I love two men getting into a good tussle!” Vala clapped her hands and hurried towards the brawling sounds next door.

Aeryn sighed.She knew she should not have left John alone with Lt Colonel Mitchell: she had noticed how her husband had been spoiling for a fight from the very first moment the two men had crossed paths.

On the other hand, she too loved the idea of two fine looking men involved in physical combat so she followed Vala Mal Doran and loudly joined in with the other woman’s outrageous catcalls of “Go on, don’t be wimps! Make it interesting and take off your clothes!”. Which only half-applied to Cameron Mitchell, who, of course, had already lost his pants.  
.

 

**If You Wish It Hard Enough… (PG-13)**   
**(Suns and Lovers AU)**

....Aeryn stepped forward, climbed onto the flatter part of the conduit, turned around, looked John straight in the eyes and lowered the zipper of her green top, yanking the sides open and baring her breasts to him in a wordless, defiant challenge to withstand her and her charms.

John was a man. A guy. A weak Human. His will to resist her crumbled within the span of a microt. He looked down from her face to her naked, glorious bosom… and recoiled in horror!

Those beautiful, pink, large nipples of hers he remembered so fondly were now hairy and toothy - oh so very toothy! Two little nasty-looking fangs protruded menacingly out of each one.

“John, what’s wrong?” Aeryn asked, puzzled at his disgusted expression.

“They… they have grown hair and teeth! When did that happen?!” He asked, pointing at the hideous buds.

“Oh that’s completely normal. It happens when a Sebacean female reaches full sexual maturity.” Aeryn explained.

John’s stomach felt queasy. He closed his eyes and wished hard - harder than he had ever wished for anything before - for the floor to give from under Aeryn’s feet and swallow her up away from his sight.

 

**Advice (PG-13)**   
**(Farscape/Guardians of the Galaxy Crossover)**

“Hey man, how did you do it? How did you get Aeryn Sun to… you know… give in to you.” Peter Quill asked John Crichton.

The two men were having a drink alone sitting up at the bar while Aeryn and Gamora sat at a corner table at the back of the watering hole.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Quill. It wasn’t easy. It took forever for her to come around but when she did… well, WOWZA! And that is all I’m gonna say about that. Alien chicks just have no boundaries and I’ll let you in on another secret: they dig the human loving - and I mean DIG IT!” John winked lewdly and lifted his hand for a high five, which was promptly returned by Peter.

“So, I should just hang in there and be patient? Is that what you are saying?” Peter asked, with hope in his voice.

“Yep! And when you get the chance, just rock her world like I did Aeryn’s and show her what Earthers are capable of in the sack!”

____

“Do you love him?” Aeryn asked Gamora, matter-of-factly.

“I do.” Gamora admitted, just as matter-of-factly “But I just don’t want him to get all romantic and mawkish. He can be so… so stifling!”

“Yeah, Humans tend to do that.” Aeryn nodded in agreement.

“So, what do you think? Should I tell him how I feel and let it happen anyway? Is it worth it?” Gamora asked.

Aeryn sighed. “I hate to admit it: feelings can be hard to handle but, yes, they are totally worth it.” She paused and then she added a final bit of advice: “Just don’t expect too much in the bedroom department and you’ll be just fine.”

 

**What Are The Chances? (PG)**   
**(John gets to see his and Katralla’s daughter)**

“Mom! Mom, please listen to me. You need to come get me NOW!”

Katralla looked at her 14 year old daughter’s distressed face through the communications viewscreen and tried to calm her: “My dear, it is only for another few solar days. You know that. So, please calm down and try to be nice to your sire. He so wanted to get to know you...”

“But, Mooooom!”

“Enough! He came for you when he learnt that my tenure as a statue had been curtailed and that you had been born much sooner than expected. The least you can do is give him a chance to get to know you…”

“But everybody here is just so… so AWFUL!” the young woman complained with tears in her blue eyes before launching into a long list of grievances: “The Hynerian Dominar ogles and smirks at me all the time, as if he was recording my every move. The Pilot of this Leviathan snarks at me when I take refuge in his den. The old woman - I know I should not insult my elders, Mom - but she smells sooo bad, she makes my stomach turn. My step brother and sister bicker non-stop over every single, little, inconsequential thing. Their Nebari aunt, well, she has… she has offered to take me to a pleasure planet along with her for ‘educational purposes’. Their mom wants to teach me how to shoot and wrestle just like...just like a simple soldier would. And my sire, well he is just plain bizarre. I barely understand a word he says, it’s like he’s talking in riddles to me!”

Katralla was appalled by her daughter’s reports on her new extended family but she had promised John Crichton that he could have a weeken every six monens with his daughter and she was not about to break her word to him so, calmly but with finality, she said:”Three more days and you can return, dear. I will see you then and not a microt sooner.”

Katralla, heavy-hearted, cut the comms, let her shoulders slump, propped her head on her hand and ruefully thought: ‘Of all the males of all the species in all of the galaxy, the only one I could be compatible with just had to be John Crichton!’

 

**A Pon Farr Too Far (PG-13)**   
**(Farscape/ST-TOS crossover)**

“And this my friends concludes the tour of our state of the art ship, the USS Enterprise. I hope you enjoyed it.” James T Kirk said with bonhomie, lightly taking Aeryn’s hand into his and kissing the back of it with a wink and a Casanova smirk.

Aeryn gave him a look that would have pulverized a lesser man.

John, on the other hand, was almost piddling himself with the excitement of this encounter: James Tiberius Kirk was his childhood hero and here he was in the flesh, courting his wife and treating them with politeness and extreme warmth. This was the stuff dreams were made of!

Captain Kirk noticed John Crichton’s badly hidden star-stuck adoring look and proceeded to his side, slapped him on the shoulder and said in a resonant and proud tone:”The Enterprise is about to embark on her next mission for the United Federation of Planets, so unfortunately I have to bid goodbye to all of you. My Chief of Security will escort you back to your transport. It has been a pleasure meeting you.”

John nodded in dumb agreement, shook hands with his hero and proceeded to leave but Aeryn stopped him in his tracks:”Wait John. Where’s Chiana? She was with us for most of the tour but I lost sight of her before we came back to the Bridge.”

“Well... I also seem to have lost communication with my First Officer, Mr Spock.” Kirk said, a puzzled frown marring his brow. “I’m going to go find him in case he needs my assistance.”

They retraced their steps back to the crew’s quarters tier where the most unmistakable of noises consisting of grunts and growls and banging of furniture stopped them in their tracks. Embarrassment tinged their faces and made them fidgety.

“Oh no she did not!” John whispered to Aeryn, who rolled her eyes and shrugged her shoulders as to say ‘What else did you expect from her?’

After a moment of hesitation, John turned to Captain Kirk and asked:”Um, when was Mr Spock due his bout of Pon Farr?”

James Kirk had no idea how John Crichton could possibly know about the Vulcan blood fever that afflicted that species every seven years, but it was a good question, so he thought on it and replied:”He will succumb to Pon Farr in 5 months, so that cannot possibly be it.”

“Oh yeah, it can.” John put his arm around Captain Kirk’s shoulders and drew the man away from the racket coming from inside Spock’s quarters. “Let me tell you about our Pip and her Pon Farr inducing super powers…”

 

**9 ½ Weekens Later (PG-13)**   
**(John and Aeryn feed each other food)**

“Mmm” Aeryn hummed, saying nothing more.

“What?” John asked

“Mmm” Aeryn hummed again

They were cuddled in front of the large TV in their cozy quarters on Moya, eating popcorn and watching the DVD of what John had called a “sexy movie”. It was called 91/2 Weeks - the most unsexy of titles Aeryn thought - and it was about this couple doing it in all the most awkward and uncomfortable of places imaginable.

“Mmm” she commented again.

“Stop humming and tell me what’s on your mind, honey.” John bent his head and nuzzled her neck. The movie was a lot tamer than her remembered but still, it was making him feel kinda amorous.

“Food is for sustenance. A simple necessity living organisms have to be provided with to survive. I don’t see what is sexy about it.” Aeryn declared.

The couple on the screen were in what appeared to be a food preparation chamber, the woman was blindfolded, scantily dressed and sitting on the floor in front of a refrigeration unit. The man was feeding her various foods. Very sloppily so, Aeryn thought, a frown of disapproval about the indiscriminate waste taking place on screen forming on her face and creasing her forehead. .

“Weelll, maybe before you make your mind up about it being unsexy, we should give it a go and see for ourselves…” John suggested, not too hopeful she’d go along with it, but trying nonetheless to tempt her by inserting a kernel of popcorn in between her semi-open lips.

“Ok.Let’s do it.” Aeryn paused the DVD, stood up and marched towards the door where she stopped, turned and raised her eyebrows at him, displeased with his slow reaction in following her. “Come on, I don’t have the whole night cycle.” She said and strode to Centre Chamber. John hurried after her half amused, half turned on but wholly game for it.

Aeryn stopped in front of the food dispenser, opened it and inspected the contents of it, then turned to her husband and instructed:”I will feed you. You close your eyes and sit on the floor… yes, right here.”

John did as ordered: he shut his eyes, slid to the floor, back resting against the dispenser unit, and opened his mouth, waiting for the game to start.

After some pottering around gathering various foods, Aeryn let herself slide down onto his lap straddling his legs and wiggling her bum to find the optimal spot in his lap to proceed with the feeding experiment.

John was enjoying even these early stages of the process way more than he could ever have imagined: so much so that his hands, driven by a will of their own, closed around his wife’s lower back and began stroking her leather-clad buttocks with tantalizing slowness. The movie had been a brilliant idea, if he said so himself. He mentally patted his own back and let himself lustily fantasize about what was to come next.

_______

Nine and half weekens later, John was finally discharged from the medical facility where the Diagnosans had barely managed to save his life from the worst case of food poisoning they had ever encountered.

He was weak and he had lost a ton of weight, so Aeryn walked by his side, supporting him surreptitiously by the elbow in case his legs went from under him.

“John, I am so sorry. You do know that, right?” She said to her husband, breaking the leaden silence between them.

“Mmm”

“I had no idea that those foods were part of Noranti’s experiment to improve her potions’ potency.” She explained for the umpteenth time, hoping to get a better reaction from him than on previous occasions.

“Mmm”

“I think it’s only fair that, as soon as you feel up to it, we resume the game and this time around you can be the one to feed me and we can...” Her offer however was abruptly interrupted by her husband’s urgent reply.

“Nonononono. No, Aeryn.Thanks but that’s a firm no. I don’t care what those Hollywood crazies think is sexy, from now on we feed ourselves and that is all have I to say about that!”

OR alternate ending just for the prompt giver

“Nonononono. No, Aeryn. Thanks but that’s a firm no. I don’t care what Liz wants, from now on we feed ourselves and that is all have I to say about that!”

 

The End


End file.
